Motherly Wrath (2)

Sadly, such competition with one’s own children is more common than you think. When a marriage is not going well and a spouse turns to a child for much needed support and love that the partner cannot or will not give, jealousy, anger, abuse and neglect will often surface.

Dad is jealous of his son who is so close to mom. He resents his son and feels that the boy is receiving the love and affection from the mother that belongs to him. The boy becomes a silent competition for the mother’s love. And the kid is always at the losing end as far as his father is concerned.

You would be surprised at how often this happens. In similar fashion, when the daughter is dad’s favorite, the wife will resent the attention the girl is getting if she feels her husband love is wanting. She might deny it till she is blue in the face, but her irritation and impatience with the girl will be a sure sign that it is so. Often, the anger and jealousy will break out in open conflict as the mother and daughter make war on each other.

We always say that we want a better life for our kids than we had, but the truth is that sometimes there is a feeling that the children are far luckier than the parents. And, unless the parents are solid and mature, there can be resentment and anger towards them. Not something that the parent is ready to admit to, but something that is obvious to those who know the family.

Can parents become jealous and envious of their own children? Absolutely, if the conditions are right. - Bob Garon

If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or 825-1771 or e-mail me at goldenvalues_school@yahoo.com.ph or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati City.

Managing your Anger

Good morning everybody. I was taking my breakfast and I read one article. It was about the ancient book, “SHRIMAD Bhagavatam.” It features the story of Dhruva Maharaj, a saintly king who fought the demonic beings who killed his brother. At some point, however, his grandfather, Svayambhuva Manu, interceded and requested him to stop fighting, because he had already killed so many of his enemies, and there was no need to keep doing it.

Advice

Svayambhuva’s advice to his beloved grandson: “Control your anger, because it is one’s foremost enemy on the path to spiritual realization. I wish you good fortune. A person who desires liberation from this material world should not fall under the control of anger, because it becomes a source of dread for others.”

The younger man immediately stopped fighting, because he understood his grandfather’s purpose. He had already fulfilled his duty as king, and there was no more need for fighting. The actions of the saintly monarch in dispensing punishment were just and appropriate.

Punishment should be dispensed, but we should not allow uncontrolled anger, jealousy or pride to rule us. Wise men know how to utilize their “anger” properly, as exemplified by the story of a sage’s encounter with a snake.

Out of compassion, the saintly Narada Muni ordered a snake to stop biting other living entities. The submissive creature followed the sage’s instruction – until one day, the snake complained to Narada: “I have stopped biting them as you have asked me to do. However, they have begun attacking me – especially the children, who have made it their pastime to throw stones at me and antagonize me.”

The wise man replied, “Still, you should not bite them. But, you should expand your hood as if you were going to strike back at them. This will drive them away.” Lesson: Even saints should “display” anger when it’s called for to keep antagonists away. –R.Valencia,S.Bismark